You win some, you lose some
by shinigami nanoda
Summary: Race's thoughts after his girl leaves him (not as sad as it sounds)


Disclaimer: If I owned Newsies I'd be the happiest person in the world. But I don't. Sad isn't it?  
  
Ok, I admit it. It hurts, the deep hole in your heart kind of hurt.  
  
It wouldn't have been so bad, but I, stupidly, started getting serious. I knew I liked the girl, but now I was leaning more toward love. Then she just says that it's not working out. No warning, no nothing. Just out of the blue and poof, she's gone. It was a gamble, and I lost.  
  
I was a wreck for a couple days, but there was a good side. Don't ever listen to anyone who says Racetrack Higgins can't win at poker when he's half drunk, stuck between laughing till he falls out of his chair and sobbing while he yells for another drink. They're lying; I don't think I lost a single game that night. Of course, there was that ugly incident of me braking into song and doing a little dance number on the table, or at least that's what they all said I did. I can't really remember, which isn't really a good sign. All is forgiven though, well, everything except her.  
  
I'm not bitter, whatever gave you that idea?  
  
I guess it's not really all her fault. It should be mine, for being so stupid, so trusting. They all said she was just using me, but would I listen. No, I was to busy trying to figure out how many races I had to win to be able to get her flowers. Looking back I wonder how I could have been so much of a sap. It makes me sick.  
  
I feel so stupid! And of course she had to do the whole "let's just be friends" bit. That's like offering a man dying of thirst a nice, cold glass of salt water. I don't want to see her ever again! I think that, and then I kick myself for being so childish. I should be cool and collected, so smooth that she'd just be dying to take me back. Then I could say "I'm sorry, but we can still be friends." See how she likes it.  
  
Of course that would never happen. If she asked to be back in my life(HA) I'd say yes faster than you could blink. Then the whole thing would happen all over again and I'd be back to where I am now. But that wouldn't happen because every time she's in the same room with me I end up stalking sullenly out.  
  
Why do I let her win like that? It makes me so mad! I'm mad at her, at myself, at the poor sucker who looks at me the wrong way. Why do I let her do this to me? I know what I'll do. Someday, when I win big time and have everything I could ever want, she'll realize she missed out. Who am I kidding? I gotta get a grip, she's not worth it.  
  
The guys were all real nice when they found out. They forced me to go out with them and got me good and drunk. Ain't they the greatest? Mush was probably the nicest out of all of them. He said she didn't deserve me and he was sure there was someone else out there, someone who would be perfect for me. Someone who loved poker, horseracing, and gambling in general, as much as I did. He's such a sweet kid. Not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he always knows what to say to make a guy feel better.  
  
Blink offered to introduce me to a new girl. He means well, but he's not as good as Mush. Jack said I could cry on his shoulder whenever I wanted, so long as he was free to mock me about it later. I got a "You've been spending to much time at da track, Race. You're face is as long as one of dem horses. Now cheer up, you'se making me depressed," from Skittery. Spot, who was there cause he thought he could beat me when I was drunk, the sucker, smacked me upside the head and told me to get over her.  
  
Yeah, I need to get over her, but these sorts of things take time. The first step was something of a "RACE! Put the knife down!" stage. Luckily that didn't last too long, especially because I wasn't sure if I wanted to stab her or me. I'm currently in the 'let's get so drunk you don't realize you have problems' stage. Then I'll move slowly on to the bitter, cynical 'yeah, I'll never trust people again, so what are you going to do about it' stage.  
  
Then I'll be on the fourth and final stage. The one where I forget most of what happened and find that I can do just fine on my own, thank you. Like I did before she came along. And before the girl I had before her. And before the girl before her..  
  
You think I'd learn, don't you? But no, that's not the way things are.  
  
I'm better off without her. Really, I mean it. I just got to finish up my moping first.  
  
AN: If you're reading this, I know you've read my story. So you have no excuse not to review. Come on, you know you want to. 


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